I don‘t know why, but I can‘t move. I‘m sinking deeper and deeper into the past. Is this real?
I look around.
Oh yea, looks like time is turning backward now.
Now I know what's going to happen. Now I‘m in power. It‘s like knowing the future.
I know everything. Now I can close my eyes. I don‘t have to search anymore.
Everything is turning dark. I can‘t see light. I can‘t hear your voice. I can‘t feel myself.

When I open my eyes it‘s still dark.
I‘m scared and I‘m still sinking, deeper and deeper into the past.
I don‘t want to be here anymore. I want to open my eyes without knowing what I will see. I want to move, without knowing where to. I want to speak without knowing who will listen and what I will say.
But I remain silent, where I am. Looking around myself, seeing nothing but darkness.
But then I can hear you calling. Calling my name from above. I look up and I can see the sky.

You say:
''Fly away. Spread your wings and push up in the air, light and strong. Higher than the trees and the mountains. Above everything that could hold you down.
Don‘t look back. Never look back, only look in the future.
Can you see it? Can you see it coming?‘‘
I say:
''Don‘t tell me. I know already. I know I will be until I won‘t.‘‘

The sun is setting.
The sky above the horizon is colored in the most beautiful colors that light couldpaint.
They are fading into each other, turning into different shades without any interruption.
Everything is fluid and volatile.
Then darkness is taking over the sky. Light is leaving the world and night has come. I welcome the night
as part of the day. That I love as I love the light, since it makes me descry lightness.

I look into the world and I see life in everything. I love to see it. I can feel the life inside me connecting to all life around me. And then there is this continuous flow of life energy between two souls.
I don‘t want to see death. I can close one eye and see only life with the other one. Then I can pretend that presence is eternal.

I used to ignore death, but death wants to be seen. So it came to me and showed itself in its barest and
harshest form. With big black dead eyes, it stared into my soul. My innocent soul, that only wants to see life.
It made me close all my eyes, stop moving and feel dead from within. Feel the pure absence of life and
death as the inextricably part of life.
Now I feel life and death. I see life and death with both eyes wide open, in everything alive. As a
necessity to enable progression and development.
It doesn‘t have to lead to an end and involve pain and suffering but can lead to new spheres of existence.
I learned to love both, as I learned to love day and night.
How could I hate one of the truest of all things that I know is real?
How could I feel different than loving and grateful for anything that I experience?

The Tree of Life symbolizes the eternal cycle of life. Often it is pictured in symbiosis with other animals,
in which the tree provides living space and nourishes and protects these. In return, the inhabitants of the forest are providing the trees with nutrients and care for them.
The tree is a reflection of life and shows us the close connection between evanescence and reincarnation.
It represents growth and life force and the connection to mother earth. The roots are symbolizing
stabilizing forces, while the branches and leaves signify regeneration and progression.

Right before easter we cut back the willows behind the greenhouse. Willow is a really special tree that can be used for so many different things, baskets probably being the most recognized. I have always liked to create things with my hands so the straight willow branches laying behind the greenhouse felt like the best chance ever to give willow a go. Of course I went to YouTube for some help concerning inspiration and some practical information on how to even get started. The first idea I must give the credit to a co-volonteer because it was not mine, I rather just stole it or got inspired or whatever (it’s all fine no feelings hurt). Anyway, the idea was to build a willow fence in the garden which I think turned out really nicely. When I started I thought it might take a few hours but no it took the whole day. But it was very enjoyable work and fairly easy!

The next project was to make an attempt on making a willow basket. The first struggle was that I think I let the willow try for a bit too long in the grass so they where a little bit too dry when I started. The method of making it was rather straight forward and not too difficult to understad, although I soon discovered that the challenge when you work with natural materials is that not all the materials are the way you want them to be. No brach is the other one alike but I think that’s also part of the charm. Anyway, the picture below is my second attempt, the first one didn’t turn out as round more like a water drop if you looked from above.

A while after doing the fence we took down the upper, old orchard and when we collected the tree-branches and trunks there were a lot of really straight ones that could be used as building material. I immediately thought of building a bench, I don’t even know where it came from but it felt right so I went for it. I had a bit if the same experience as with the fence because I thought this also would take a day or something but of course it didn’t, it took two weeks. The first step was to prepare all the branches, meaning cutting them the right length and flatting out where the joins are. I did all the sawing by hand so my arms were dead in the evening the first day. When I started to assemble it was very unstable and wonky so I but in extra support diagonally but I had kind of already thought I would need it. Because I work with fresh round wood I also had to pre-drill all the holes for the screws but some branches still cracked. When I was finishing the last of the assembling I had the bench on the table for better reach and I was climbing on the table and fell of and sprained my ankle. Therefor I had to wait over a week before I could finish it by weaving the sitting area and the back support, hence why I took two weeks. In the end I was very happy with it, almost so happy so that it was worth spraining my ankle :)

I really liked working with willow and I am very thankful I had the opportunity to do it. I think I learn a lot, especially that it always takes longer then I think. The only sad thing now is I have run out of willow, but there is always a new spring coming.

In biodynamics, it is said that the cosmic forces of the planets Moon, Venus, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter and, Saturn influence life on earth like the sun does.
The Moon, Mercury and, Venus, being the planets within the radius of the sun, influence with the sun together plant growth and life above the earth.
The so-called far distant planets Mars, Jupiter and, Saturn influence life within the earth. The roots of the plants and certain minerals then lead the forces up to the plants and all life above the earth.
 In these first few weeks, I noticed how humans as well are influenced by the forces and energies reaching them from above. But also how we are nourished and as well enlightened within by our roots and by what connects us to this world and ourselves.
 
With these two important energies that I felt, the one that makes me connect to space above me and with the one that wants me to grow deeper roots, I started a journey in many ways here in Slovenia. A journey that will hopefully make me grow and evolve in many directions.
 
Referring back to biodynamics: It is said that seeds, to germinate need to reach the highest stage of complexity in their physical structure. After this stage is reached it will fall apart to a little chaos or the dust of the world. Only in this form, it is susceptible to the cosmic forces and the universe. This process is called the terrestrial organizational process and it exposes the seed to the constellation forces that will let it develop into what it is meant to be. Like that in each seed, there is imprinted the reflection of a certain cosmic constellation and so it is in the plant that will grow from this seed.
 
With this in my mind, I'm looking forward to learning and evolving to higher stages of understanding and complexity, since this might be needed to be influenced and affected by the forces of the cosmos. I accept the chaos that might follow if that will make me grow towards what I'm meant to be.
 
This is the time of the year when many seeds are sown and many plants are planted. The imprint of the universe in every plant and the enormous effect that the sun and light all the cosmic forces out there have on life is visible for the ones open and understanding towards them.
After winter and darkness, light and life are coming back into this world with every morning that the sun is rising a bit earlier and is warming every soul a bit stronger and longer.
 

ENLIGHTENMENT
The sun is rising. New life awakens in this world.
All the souls being touched by light are coming to life.
So are you.
You are human and alive.
Look up in the sky and remember the light inside you. Feel within and listen to your soul.
It says you could be light too.
It says, take the light in. Gather it. Strive towards it. Until you are light.
Now you can shine like the sun. You don‘t need the sun anymore.
Your soul is lit and it will shine forever. Even in the night. In darkness. Like the moon and the stars.
Eternally.

So all of this is kind of new to me. I have never been on an organic farm before, not even for a visit, and certainly not a biodynamic farm in Slovenia. Therefor it has been a lot to learn and a lot of new experiences this first month but I am still looking forward to all that is to come. The first impression I would say was just wow! To everything from the knowledge of agricultural to the verity of plants and crops. One of the things that I also got aware of was how limited my knowledge of different plants are. Therefor I want to share some of the beautiful salads I have never heard of before and find very tasty. I find it really cool how many different plants there actually are, I mean if you are used to live in a city and go shop in the nearest supermarket the supply are often limited to some iceberg lettuce and if you are lucky some seasonal modernity. So to get to the point of it here are some salads and their name.

                   


          Curly red Asian salad

Sometimes it is not easy to cook with regional and seasonal products. Since cooking and baking is a great passion of mine, I have considered publishing a monthly recipe as inspiration. I try to use as many products as possible that are grown or produced here on the farm.

The seasonal vegetables are either freshly harvested as local outdoor products, come from unheated greenhouses or have been stored over winter. There is also a large selection of dried or processed foods such as sweet corn, tomato passata, oil, vinegar, black beans and so on.

BLACK BEAN HUMMUS
Ingredients:

• 200 gr black beans
• 3 cloves garlic
• 2 tbsp. tahin
• 2 tbsp. apple vinegar
• 2 tbsp. oil
• 1 tsp. cumin
• salt and pepper to taste
  

Instructions:

1. Soak black beans for 12 hours in cold water.
2. Cook black beans for 60-90 minutes until soft.
3. Put all ingredients into a food processor and blend until smooth.

PANCAKES
Ingredients:

• 400 gr flour
• 500 ml plant-based milk
• 300 ml water
• 1 tsp. baking powder
• 1 tsp. salt
  

Instructions:

1. Whisk together flour, baking powder and salt.
2. Pour water and plant-based milk into the dry mixture. Stir until combined and let the mixture rest for 10 to 20 minutes.
3. Heat a pan over medium heat. Add oil and scoop the batter onto the pan. Fry for 2 to 3 minutes and flip. Fry the opposite side until golden brown.

ROASTED VEGGIES
Ingredients:
All the veggetables you have on hand or like, I used:

• carrots
• beetrot
• parsnip
• swede turnip
• potatoes
• oil
• herbs, salt and pepper to taste
  

Instructions:

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees.
2. Wash, peel and chop the veggies into small pieces.
3. Add some oil, herbs, salt and pepper and put them onto a baking sheet.
4. Bake for 30 to 60 minutes.

Fill the pancakes with black bean hummus and roasted vegetables. Add some chopped kale, lettuce or fresh herbs like parsley, cilantro or basil.